The Family Representative

Also known as The Eldest Child. Often referred to as The Good One and, on rare occasions, The "Favorite" due to an unfortunate series of circumstances: being born first. Gifted a pedestal called "Privilege" without the privilege of authority. Yes, we know her. No, we don't respect her boundaries. The first to understand what boundaries are, knowing they weren't allowed to have any that made the family feel uncomfortable. In the sequence of fight, flight, freeze, or please, they live in the "please." They strive to be adored and feel ignored. "No, I'm not angry, just easily overwhelmed." A task as simple as making a gynecologist appointment is now shrouded in the absolute horror of being asked your date of birth. Why does this happen?

All but physically forced - though not unheard of - to make phone calls to estranged family for Mother's Day, Father's Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and anniversaries. Easter every other year. Hollow "Happy Merry Something Day, so-and-so" followed by dead-eyed "Yes. Mm-hm. Uh-huh. You, too. Okay. Yep, here's mom." For the next 20 years, the song and dance are engraved in our heads. The "love you too" is more and more disingenuous each year.

Though, that's all light work. The Family Representative (TFR) holds baggage from their parents and blocks it for their siblings. A family matriarch in the making with a ton of trauma to back them up. With the few lots who waft in and out of scattered family gatherings and flock to those stuck in the vicious cycle of TFR to give their two cents. "Is your daddy still crazy? How's your momma? Tell your granny to stop acting like that. Your auntie needs to make up with your uncle." Not only are they met with their sperm and egg donor issues, but now the rest of the DNA donations feel the need to dump the extended family shit on them too. Where's my TV vagabond auntie who puts crystals in her bra and tells me to move to Europe? Plot twist: I am that auntie.

Not because I wanted to be: because I had to be. Sure, call it a read. Call it a slam piece. It's just the truth. I'm not trying to hurt you or even get you to understand. I'm just putting it all out there for fellow TFRs to feel seen and heard.