A Red Hot Ball of Anger
Imagine all of the intangible entities being given a shape. A color. A location. A path. At this moment, I am feeling angry. That anger looks red. That anger sits stagnant in the middle of my chest. That anger is warm, hot even, to the touch. That anger is spherical. Now, imagine being able to take hold of that red-hot ball of anger in the center of your chest, reduce it to a tiny pink marble in your throat, to finally be able to breathe it out of existence.
Giving physical characteristics to a concept has made managing my anger, sadness, and happiness much more effortless. Another technique from the EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) Tapping Method that has helped me in the past is called “chasing the pain .”The same points are tapped on our bodies. Still, the purpose is to identify the emotion, give it physical characteristics, and speak it into existence until it gets smaller and smaller and more manageable until it’s gone. While some studies explain the benefits of using this technique to manage a physical ailment, my experience has only been to use it to manage my emotions.
One of the first times my therapist taught me about chasing the pain was after receiving a rejection letter from one of my writing submissions. It had been a while since I submitted a piece of work, and I was hopeful of being chosen to be published in a magazine for my submission. I checked my email daily for a month until I let it go. “I probably didn’t make the cut.” I thought. But there was still hope that I was holding onto. Two weeks later, during a closing shift at the restaurant where I worked, I checked my email for confirmation of a package I was waiting on. Instead, a thank you for your submission subject line was on top of my unread mail. With a stack of plates in my hand and a ketchup table 43 was waiting on for their half-eaten burger, I opened the email, already planning the next steps of my career.
We regret to inform you that…
That’s all I remember from the email, really. “Thank you for your interest in..” and “Unfortunately, your submission was not..” were included. I don’t remember if I brought the ketchup to table 43. They probably didn’t leave a great tip because it never got to the table.
I stood there for a minute, my body going numb and my eyes getting hot from the tears pooling at the corners of my eyes. Another rejection. I’ll never get out of here. I asked a coworker to watch over the two tables already eating. I headed to the back of the building, where everyone usually went outside for a smoke break. But I was alone and trying to contain the disappointment. I was trying to disassociate from the feeling and where I was at that moment. My mind raced to all of the “could haves” and “should haves,” and I felt like I was currently the worst version of myself.
It came to me like a lightning bolt. Chase the pain. Therapy was, and is, great. However, I always have trouble applying my coping skills to daily life. It’s easy to fall into patterns that come naturally to me. The point of therapy is to break the patterns that don’t serve me. Specific techniques I’ve developed were most likely out of survival. But I’m older now and should have the discipline to make better decisions for my well-being. So, amid my despair, I remembered how I’d been taught to chase the pain.
Identify: I am feeling hopeless.
It looks like..: Like a blue balloon in my brain.
It feels like..: The blue balloon is full of hot air.
Put it together: Right now, it feels like there’s a blue balloon blown up in my head full of hot air.
The diagram above demonstrates the 9 points on your body to tap while chasing the pain. Begin with the side of your hand, striking it with two fingers from your other hand. Begin to speak your pain into existence. There is a blue balloon full of hot air in my head. Now, tap on the inside of one of your eyebrows. There is a blue balloon full of hot air in my head. Tap the side of your eye. There is a blue balloon full of hot air in my head. And so on.
Complete one full round by tapping all the points on the above chart. Is there still a blue balloon full of hot air in your head? Is it still blue? Is the air still hot? Has it gotten smaller? Do you feel the pressure from it in your head just as much? Did it move in your body? Maybe now, it’s reduced to a beige balloon halfway full of warm air. Let’s tap on that. Striking the side of your palm. Now, a beige balloon is halfway full of warm air in the back of my throat.
Chasing pain has always allowed me to manage the feelings that disrupt my everyday life. Giving it shape, temperature, color, etc., enables me to take hold of emotion and manage it.
