Bringing Softness
I may be years late on the “soft girl” era, but the idea of living peacefully, gently, and calmly will be ever present in each and every day of my life.
Remember when the men of Tiktok retaliated against the soft girl era by imposing their idea of the soft boy moment? Yeah. I’d like to forget about that, too. That’s not to say that the idea of softness can’t be genderless. To blanket the statement: We are all entitled to a soft era. But let’s remember why the soft girl era began. It doesn’t mean a lack of motivation or initiative. The era marks an end to grind and hustle culture and welcomes passive income and passion projects. I’d like to believe my soft girl era allows remote work at my leisure with jazz playing in the background and plants thriving on my window sill.
It’s upsetting, though, when it feels as though your soft moment doesn’t seem to be playing out in the way you’d hope. Peace and calm comes at a price. To be gentle, you must first be rough.
Bonds are bruised and broken when we break away from the status quo.
While comfort is either gifted or earned, true peace and softness seem to only be apparent in those unplugging and becoming closer to Mother Earth and all she has to offer. Even so, that lifestyle isn’t chosen without some kind of sacrifice. Be it internet access, excessive human interaction, or readily available goods. Bonds are bruised and broken when we break away from the status quo. Cue Stick to the Status Quo from High School Musical. Remember when the book worm wanted to pop and lock and jam and break? Then the skater revealed they play the cello. And we can’t forget the jock planning to make crème brûlée.
Yes, a Disney musical from 2006 about high school students finding comfort in their talent seems like such a far off reference and, frankly, shows my age. However, what’s the difference between Troy Bolton fighting the demons in the form of his dad and friends pulling him in the direction of what is expected of him and branching out into the realm of musical theater with a newfound love interest that sees a different side of him. Can we chalk it up as slice of life and self discovery? That doesn’t end with teenage angst. It develops into more complex features. Grows and loops and winds it’s way well into adulthood. Instead of basketball and bad Saturday night decisions, it’s morphed into long-term relationships and work-life balance.
Does every single aspect of your life need to be defined as soft?
So, you want to live a soft life. How does that look? What does it mean? How do you craft that future for yourself? Most importantly, does every single aspect of your life need to be defined as soft? Is that realistic?
In a meeting with my direct supervisor and the president of the non-profit I work for, the president mentioned that I bring a certain softness to my work. Without getting too personal, I have a government job where I find employment for individuals. It’s not a particularly glamorous nor a high paying occupation. Most find nobility in it, but I just think it’s a necessity. It’s another way that I’m able to just help people. How does one bring softness to sitting at a computer and making phone calls for 8 hours a day?
Recently, I’ve expressed to friends and family the difficulties working with a new (for me) demographic: older white women. It’s difficult bringing a fresh, and maybe annoyingly optimistic, perspective to a job that’s been done a singular way for decades. So, it took me by surprise when the president seemed to be receptive to my approach. While I’ve shared the debilitating ramifications of being empathetic, it tends to work in my favor. There’s a level of understanding and desire to want better for others when they’re in compromised situations. In my field, it’s not only finding job listings, calling clients, and filling out paperwork. It’s encouraging someone that doesn’t feel prepared for an interview. It’s sending check in emails and texts without an obligation to report back. It’s an annoying amount of optimism when your client is at a low moment. It’s a basic level of human understanding that, though I personally may have never experienced the situation my clients is in, calls for the disposal of preconceived notions and just to be there.
A soft life can and should include bringing softness to others
That is the softness I bring. Humanity. Though I don’t live in the forest in a a foreign land with my husband and only wear big flowy dresses and forage wild mint for my tea in the morning, I find soft moments to my corporate 9-5 and suburban home in New Jersey on a daily basis. My landlord’s wild mint overgrows into my driveway: There’s my wild mint tea in the mornings. My fiancé and I play cards before bed (We stick to Palace) to unplug from social media, television, and video games: There’s my escape from the fast-paced anxiety inducing doom-scrolling on socials. I pull quotes and find easily digestible resources for my clients to find jobs. I am readily accessible (within my working hours) to bounce ideas off of. To be a listening ear. To apologize for a bad day or praise for a good day. This is how I bring softness to this corporate space. A soft life can and should include bringing softness to others.
I challenge you to bring softness to a moment each day. Realistically, living a completely stress free non-by-the-book lifestyle is difficult to achieve. We can’t rule out the possibility, also, that a soft life isn’t what we’re actually striving for. I’d love to be surrounded by plants and listen to lo-fi hip hop playlists on YouTube all day. I know myself, though. I can see me feeling trapped in the “soft girl aesthetic” and wanting do a hard switch. And let’s be honest with ourselves: We want to be around plants but most of our green thumbs are nonexistent.
I bring soft moments to work. I bring soft moments to my weekends. I go on hikes and put my feet in the rushing river and come home and decide I’d like a Wendy’s spicy chicken sandwich instead of the grilled salmon and veggies in my fridge. I’ll decide to work remotely some days and have my wild mint tea and listen to a Spotify jazz playlist and at night go to the bar and throw back tequila shots. Much like a work-life balance, there is a peace-chaos balance. Living a soft life can slowly but surly become more and more incorporated into our daily activities. Don’t rob yourself of the joy you may feel at opposite sides of the spectrum. A quarter has two different sides. Either way it falls, it doesn’t stop being worth 25 cents.
