Inside Pearl's Studio
Growing up, my mom and I always loved watching interviews with our favorite artists, performers, and actors. “That’s my best friend in my head” she’d say when a contestant on Top Chef made a song about cooking beef tongue. Feeling connected to a person you admire from afar feels validating, like someone larger than life understands you.
On June 12, 1994, Bravo debuted the talk show Inside The Actor’s Studio hosted by James Lipton. With various critically acclaimed actors sharing their stories and experiences on and off set, this show became the blueprint for interview series such as Actors on Actors and Close Up With The Hollywood Reporter. Inside The Actor’s Studio brought humanity to an otherwise other worldly industry.
At the end of each interview, James Lipton had a questionnaire for his guests. Aside from Lipton asking actors to respond in character (Nancy Cartwright answering questions as Bart Simpson), this end-of-interview rapid fire segment is a classic:
What is your favorite word?
What is your least favorite word?
What sound or noise you love?
What sound or noise you hate?
Aside from what you do now, what profession would you most love to do?
What profession you would hate do to?
What is your favorite curse word?
If heaven exist, what do you want God to say to you at the pearly gates?
On a first date(or on Netflix’s Love is Blind), many like to get as much information as possible. How old are you? What’s your relationship like with your father? How many children do you want to have? While others may be getting a feel for the vibes and just out on a date to have a nice time. What’s your favorite kind of drink? What are some of your hobbies? While often reserved for potential romantic partners, we also have our methods of vetting platonic relationships. Either way, it’s a compatibility test. How aligned is my family dynamic to yours? Why do I feel drawn to your drive in opposition to my very calculated path to success? Are you old enough to enjoy a wine and cheese night or will I be subject to 2 in the morning escapades like I’m at Karma in Seaside in 2009?
While it’s beneficial to periodically step out of the comfort zone of our routine, it’s also important to note that living in a state of discomfort does not aide in our growth. We begin to respond out of fear and necessity to survive - your mind and body constantly in a state of fight or flight. Every issue needs a monumental response and every person’s actions have the amount of layers of meaning as an onion. Our sorting process to finding compatible partners and lasting friendships has to do with the peace these prospects bring us. Will this person be down to chase the Northern Lights up the Garden State Parkway until we lose the light pollution? Will this person listen to me ramble about the social economic ambiguities of Eldia and Marley in Attack on Titan? Will this person accept me with everything I have to offer?
Unconditional love exists. I know it because I never thought I’d be blessed with someone who fights to keep me in their life after seeing every beautiful or ugly corner of my personality. I long to have unconditional love for myself. We don’t have a vetting process for ourselves. However, when we identify the characteristics that we’d like to tweak or improve, that’s when we get to the foundation of who we are and climb from there.
The qualities I admire in my friends and family are ones I try to emulate. The depression and anxiety clouding my perception of myself often don’t allow me to see the qualities that people try to imitate themselves. My dad used to say, “Look at your 10 closest friends.” Bold of you to assume I have 10 close friends at my big old age. “How do they act? What decisions to they make? Does that reflect who you are?” It’s basically the “if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you follow them?” remixed to a Kevin-ism, I like to say. All my friends are good people.
Let me back track. I don’t think anyone in this world is all good or all bad. It’s childish to see things that way. We’re all people that make both good and bad decisions. We act based on the circumstances of our situations. Our morals and judgements are based on the trials and tribulations life’s put in our paths. And, sometimes, that means making more bad decisions than good. Sometimes, our perceptions of what is a good or bad decision is nuanced. Objectively, fighting is bad. Causing physical harm to one another is seen as a negative. What if you’re a paid boxer? Is it still bad? What if you’re defending yourself? Is it still wrong?
All that to say, objectively, my friends are good. Does that make me good? Not necessarily. I want to be good. Good enough.
For who?
For myself.
For my loved ones.
I don’t feel the need, though, to prove my love over and over again and it becomes difficult, in the process of making new friends, to remember the reasons why my friends stick around. So then I have to remind myself of who I am at my core. I must reassure myself I am an objectively good person and someone who only wants to be better and make things around them better.
Think of the foundation you were built on. Think of your parents, your caretakers, your guardians, your teachers, your mentors and so on. How did they shape who you are? How does the company you keep define you now? The media and entertainment you take in on a daily basis - how does it effect you? Plot twist: forget all of that. How to you feel about yourself. How do you feel about the company you keep and the people that raised you? The things around you and the things that happen to you do not define you. Your responses define you. Your actions define you. I think about the core of who I am and what I enjoy and what brings me happiness or sadness. That is me. If there something I want to change, I do so.
You can’t drop yourself and switch out for a newer, better version of you. But you can make the effort to change. Think of the core of you. Is it you and are you happy with that? I think the rapid fire questionnaire serves the purpose of understanding and dissecting the things that we otherwise wouldn’t attribute to understanding ourselves. I wonder the answers to this questionnaire make you understand me more than at the top of this article.
What is your favorite word? Juxtaposition
What is your least favorite word? Cute
What sound or noise you love? Wind blowing through leaves
What sound or noise you hate? People chewing food
Aside from what you do now, what profession would you most love to do? Lounge singer
What profession you would hate do to? Tax Examiner
What is your favorite curse word? Bitch
If heaven exist, what do you want God to say to you at the pearly gates? YERR!!
